I Just Have To!

I love sports movies - even the goofy kid movies put out by companies like Disney. The reason is that in every sport movie there is a defining moment of struggle. And in that moment, there is a lesson taught that has real life applications.

The other night I was watching the movie Rookie of the Year with my boys. The defining moment of the movie came in the second game that Henry was sent in to pitch. Henry is nervous and is struggling with his control. The lesson comes when Chet "The Rocket" Steadman is sent to the mound by the team manager to calm Henry down and give him some advice. Not knowing what to say, Chet tells Henry to use his "have to". He explains that this is the place you go when you are full of fear. You use your "have to" to pull yourself through in spite of the fear. Henry nods even though he doesn't understand and even Chet walks back to the dugout muttering "The 'have to'. What the heck was I talking about?" But the advice worked and Henry starts throwing 100 mph strikes and saves the game.

The reason this lesson intrigues me is because the following morning I was listening to a CD from Anthony Robbins' Personal Power II series where he was talking about the "7 Wealth Wounds". He makes the point that successful people get what they want in life because they make it a "have to". They will not accept any other alternative. He uses people who maintain a healthy weight as an example. If they set 130 lbs as the weight they have to maintain, the minute it creeps up to 132-133 they immediately do whatever they have to do to get back down to that 130 or even just a little below.

People who have achieved financial abundance operate the same way. They set a financial level that they have to reach and maintain and they do whatever it takes to get there. They are not content with just getting by even when just getting by may be significantly better than where they currently are. They have to be financially well off and nothing is going to stop them from reaching that point.

Are you someone who settles for getting by or even just improving a little from where you are now? I know I have been guilty of that. When I have had serious financial struggles (even to the point where a financial counselor told my wife and I that our only option was bankruptcy), my "have to" kicked in and I did whatever I needed to do to overcome the situation. Unfortunately, I failed to set my sights above the "getting by" level where I made just enough to cover my bills. So what happens is a medical emergency or major car repair would come along and wipe out my savings and knock me right back into financial distress.

A perfect example of this is a couple of years ago my wife and I started following Dave Ramsey's "Baby Steps" to getting out of debt. We built up $1,000 in savings for an emergency fund and went to work on paying off our smallest debt balance. A couple of months later the transmission on our van blew out. We didn't have the option of not repairing it because the van was our only means of transportation and essential to making the extra money that was keeping us afloat financially and enabling us to pay down our debt. The repair cost us $2,500. You can probably guess where we had to pull the additional $1,500 from.

I was listening to Dave's radio show the other night on the way home from work when I heard him advise a caller not to stay at the $1,000 savings level for very long because then you are just asking for trouble. I immediately thought to myself "Dave! Where was this level of honesty three years ago when we got killed financially while following your advice?" The truth of the matter is that we did not follow his advice - not entirely anyways. He advises working with "gazelle-like" intensity when setting up the emergency fund and paying off the debt. Once we had the fund in place and were paying our bills, we lost that intensity. We stopped working from our "have to" because it was no longer a have to in order to survive.

I was thinking about all of this last night and had a personal breakthrough that many of you can learn from as well. The reason why I settle for survival rather than making abundance my "have to" is that the pain was gone. In the Personal Power II series, Anthony Robbins talks about how the two greatest motivators in life are pain and pleasure and that pain is the greater motivator out of the two of them. Pain drives the "have to". When I was faced with the pain of bankruptcy, I kicked things up a notch or two to get away from that pain. Then when things leveled out financially the pain was gone and I settled back into a groove that kept us above that line where the pain of not being able to pay my bills would start up again, but just barely above. I derived pleasure from having gotten our family back to a level where we could survive again financially and the pain had disappeared so I had met my needs.

Now, I recognize that I would get more pleasure if I were living much further above that line, but that would mean a lot of hard work, it might mean more time away from my family, it would mean giving up some things that I enjoy right now; all things I associate pain with. So I was inadvertently motivating myself to stay right above one pain line and right below another. I had trapped myself in a very small comfort zone!

Do you have any areas in your life where you have done something similar? It may not be finances, but it may be related to weight loss, to self-improvement, to relationships, to parenting; it could be anything. Just look for an area where you are just getting by. Or look for areas in your life where you improved in the past, but then you just stopped and didn't go any further. What is motivating you to remain mediocre? What pleasure do you get from not pursuing your dreams? What pains are you effectively avoiding by not going after what you really want in life? Write it all down on a sheet of paper right now so that you can see clearly how you have trapped yourself where you are right now. Go ahead! I will wait until you are done.

Did you write it all down? I hope you did because, if you didn't, the rest of this post won't make a difference to you so you might as well quit reading right now and go find another blog to waste your time at. But it isn't to late too start changing your life right now. Write it all down right now!!!

Now, if you did write it all down, you probably experienced a moment of feeling a bit foolish. I know I did. I could now see how I was to blame for where I was at financially. I could no longer blame circumstances because I had already proven that I could overcome circumstances to get from being a step away from bankruptcy to being financially stable. But I was the one to blame for it not getting any better than that.

Did you see what happened there? I started to feel a NEW pain for my situation. And that is the first step to moving on from where you currently are - when it is too painful to stay!

So here are the steps that are going to enable you and me to motivate ourselves to move on from where we are right now. Take out a clean sheet of paper and...

1. Write down a definite goal for where you really want to be.

This is not a goal for where you think you can get to. This is where you really want to be. Just focus for a moment on WHAT you want and leave the HOW you are going to get it for later. Don't settle on a goal that is less than your best vision of your future. You deserve the best so allow yourself to have it!

State your goal in the present and make it S.M.A.R.T.

Specific - Does you goal answer the six "W" questions: Who, What, Where, When, Which, and Why?
Measurable - Does your goal answer the questions of how much, how many and how will I know when it is accomplished?
Attainable - There is very little that you cannot do if you are determined to do it. Use your inner compass to determine what is possible for you. Picture yourself in your mind accomplishing your goal. If you can "see" yourself doing it, it is attainable.
Realistic - A goal is realistic if it represents an objective toward which you are both willing and able to work. If you truly believe that it can be accomplished, then it is realistic.
Timely - Every goal needs a deadline. It creates a sense of urgency and has the added benefit of engaging your subconscious mind in the process. So when do you intend to complete your goal by?

T can also stand for Tangible, which means that your goal can be experienced with one of the senses (i.e. taste, touch, sight, smell and/or hearing). Tangible goals have a better chance of being specific, realistic and measurable, thus making them attainable.

After you have written down your new goal...

2. Write down all the pleasure you will get out of attaining that goal.

Get creative and list all the reasons reaching that goal will bring you pleasure. How much better will you feel? What will it do for your self-esteem when you pull it off? Who will it inspire? What will you have that you didn't have before? What options and opportunities will you now have? List it all!

Now that you have all the pleasure laid out before you, it's time to heap a bit of pain on top...

3. Write down all the pain you will experience if you don't go for the goal.

What are all the things you are going to miss out on if you don't do it? What embarrassments will you suffer? Who will follow your example and suffer the same frustrations you have? What will your life be life 5, 10, or 20 years down the line as you look at how different your life could have been if you had just changed it now? Get it all out there and notice how you are feeling as you write it all down.

I am willing to bet that you are going to start feeling some of that pain right now. GOOD! This changes your goal from a "want to" to a "have to". You now have to be completely debt free. You now have to maintain your weight at 130 lbs. You now have to learn to play that piano. You now have to increase your personal income by an additional $2,500 per month. The level you are now at should no longer feel comfortable. You have to move up!

You now have a new set of motivations. Take that old list and throw it away because that isn't you anymore. You are no longer content with mediocrity. It's time to go for it! So now it is time to...

4. Brainstorm a list of all the different things you could start doing today that would start you on the path to where you want to be.

Once you have your list of actions you can take...

5. Pick one thing to do today and do it!

"People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing ... that's why we recommend it daily."
~ Zig Ziglar

Keep your new list of motivations in a safe place and review them every single day. Remind yourself of the reasons why you are doing what you are doing and what will you suffer if you don't. That way when you come up against a seemingly insurmountable obstacle, they will be fresh in your mind and you will refuse to be stopped ... because you just have to succeed!

The First Step - Part 5 of 7

“Have a bias toward action - let's see something happen now. You can break that big plan into small steps and take the first step right away.”
~ Indira Gandhi

Imagine just for a moment that you have just been invited to the movie set of a Christopher Nolan film. Although Batman Begins and The Dark Knight were huge successes, this is to be far greater than anything he has ever done so you are very excited to witness the master at work as he creates what is sure to be a blockbuster film. All the actors are on their marks ready to film the next scene and special effects and technical crews stand waiting to work their magic as Christopher steps forward and calls out the traditional "Lights! Cameras! ..." and then nothing happens.

The same thing happens with your life when you have goals, dreams and plans, but never act on them. You are the director of your life. You can either create a blockbuster event that the whole world would pay good money to see, or you can squeeze out a low-budget, no-plot B-movie that is quickly forgotten by the five people who went and saw it.

What is the movie you want to create? Is it a comedy that keeps people laughing? Is it a romance that inspires people to treat their spouses better? Is it an inspirational movie that moves people closer to God? Is it a "Biggest Loser" documentary starring you? Whatever type of movie you want to direct yourself in, make sure it is an ACTION movie. Go out and tackle your B.H.A.G. (Big Hairy Audacious Goal) and give the world something worth watching.

One of the major problems with B.H.A.G.s are that people are intimidated by them. Even though accomplishing their B.H.A.G. would be a huge deal to them, most people never start on them or they give up soon after they start because the end seems so far away. It seems unattainable. I talk a little bit about that in The Millionaire Marathon program and how to conquer that fear. Here is an exerpt from The Millionaire Marathon:

The Power of Stepping Stones

Just like any marathon, in order to reach the finish line, you have to take the steps that will carry you from the starting line to the end of the course. There may have been times in your life where you thought, “If I had a million dollars, my life would be so much better/easier/more fun.” But, if your life would be so much better, why didn’t you set out in that moment to create a million dollars? Is it because the idea was too big?

Try a little experiment with me. Imagine you just came home and as you enter the family room you discover that someone had broken in and tore up the place. Your DVDs are thrown all around the room, the couch is tipped over, books were pulled off the bookshelf, the curtains are lying on the floor, your potted plants are knocked over, the laundry you folded before you left has been thrown all around – it is a complete disaster area! You can’t take a single step into the room without stepping on something. You, of course, call the police. They come, take their photos, promise they will be in touch, and then they leave you alone with Martha Stewart’s worst nightmare.

Now, notice what your mind does when I give you the following instructions. Keep in mind that you are the only one there so these instructions are for you and you alone
--- CLEAN THE ROOM!

Now, most of you probably did not immediately picture a clean family room. You probably started going through a mental checklist of what to do to get it clean which may have included pick up the books and put them on the shelf, put the DVDs away, push the couch back upright, hang the curtains back up, rewash and fold the laundry, straighten up the potted plants, vacuum the whole room, etc.

Some people’s mental checklist may have been get the phone book, open to the yellow pages, look up a local cleaning service, pick up the phone, dial their number and ask how quickly they can send someone over. (There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking the easy route!) And some people’s mental checklist may have been break down in tears, go get the half-eaten pint of Ben & Jerry’s from the freezer and hide out in the bedroom until your spouse gets home.

The human mind is a funny thing in that it cannot cope with large projects. No matter which line of thought your brain may have followed, it had to take the large project and break it down into smaller, more accomplishable tasks. This is one of the true secrets of success in any endeavor. It doesn’t matter if it is to create a highly popular video game, lose 50 pounds, write a New York Times’ #1 best-selling novel or create one million dollars. Simply break the task down into the small stepping stones that will enable you to traverse the chasm that lies between where you are today and where you want to be tomorrow … and TAKE ACTION!!!

Action Steps:
1. Identify and write down a major goal you want to accomplish.
2. Write down the major tasks you need to do to accomplish this goal. These are your milestones.
3. Break your plan down into small stepping stones that will carry you from milestone to milestone.
4. Write down a "reward" for each milestone you reach.
(Note: Rewards don't have to be expensive. In fact, they can cost absolutely no money at all. It just has to be something that makes you feel good. Get creative!)
5. Take ACTION and take the first step!

I've Been Shot!

I have noticed a tendency among people that is a little bit frightening. It is a tendency that makes any goal difficult to achieve if not all-together impossible. Here are some examples of that tendency:

• A man wants to have a happy and successful marriage, but enjoys a final fling at his bachelor party the night before the wedding.

• A woman wants to lose weight and so she hits the treadmill after she finishes off a chocolate bar.

• A couple want to be more secure financially but they buy the big screen TV on credit and then make a budget to live on.

• A student wants a good grade in a class but puts off studying until the night before finals.

I could go on and on with examples. Instead, let me let you in on an obvious, yet well-ignored secret:

Your chances of winning any race are significantly greater if you don't shoot yourself in the foot right before you start running!

We have the incredible ability to adapt to challenges and overcome them. What I don't understand is our tendency to make a challenge more challenging than it needs to be through self-sabotage. Do you do that?

Take a look at your goals and dreams and take a good hard look at what you did, and may very well be doing still, which is holding you back from achieving all you ever wanted. Take responsibility for your failure and make the decision to stop failing and start succeeding. Do this and you will sprint across the finish line rather than collapse upon it!